stuff my mom says that I now realize is weird.
- Melk. you know, that white stuff that comes from cows. Melk.
- Window seal. This used to confuse me. I always wondered what the difference was between a window seal and a window sill. The difference was my mom.
-
for knocking around in. "I just got a pair of sneaks (#3a: sneaks, not sneakers) for knocking around in." I don't know, it sounds like an old-fashioned phrase, or regional perhaps, but it's entirely possible she made it up.
- Sprag. "Don't sprag your feet on the carpet when you walk." This one I am positive she made up.
- Floaters. "He needs new pants, aren't they floaters on him?" see also: floods. this was a new concept to her in the late 70s or early 80s when we started complaining that we were outgrowing our pants, making them too short and calling them Floods. She forgot what the term was so she called them 'floaters'. Cute, real cute. Not.
- Os & Es. This one is kinda cute I think. stands for: odds and ends. "I have some leftover mac & cheese and peas, and I bought some chicken today. Do you want to come over for some Os & Es for dinner?" Sure mom, as long as it's free!
- Snifter. No, not a brandy snifter. I explained this over on Bonita's blog a while ago. In the 1970s she got this little apparatus that is a little box that you put a can of air freshener in, and it has some kind of a timer where it will spray at whichever interval you choose. We got used to having this thing spray every so often that we didn't notice it, but when we had a German exchange student staying with us in the mid 1980s, he looked around curiously when he heard the noise and her explanation was, "It's a snifter. It sniffs." Well, now he understands perfectly. I wonder what ever happened to that thing? She probably got rid of it because we made fun of her for it. Poor mom. I guess I understand why she felt so persecuted when we were growing up. Yet she still came up with gems like:
- It's good, it's tasteless. "I like to eat the parsley. It's good, it's tasteless!" Spoken like the true martyr she portrays herself to be. But that's another post for another time...or one that already was....
- hemming and hawing. This I think is perhaps regional. Upstate Pennsylvania, anyone? "I couldn't decide between the red and the blue, so I was hemming and hawing, and I still couldn't decide so I just left."
- I have to wash my head. Normal people wash their hair. She washes her head.
- Bathroom stuff: a) "Are you having problems?" I think this was mostly if I was taking too long in the bathroom when I was an adolescent. We joked about it but I think, now, she was concerned maybe i had gotten my period and needed assistance. b) tinkle. Okay this is not that uncommon, really. But it's still mortifying when your mom takes you into the public bathroom at Wanamakers when you are 4 years old, and you grasp onto the edge of the seat so you don't fall in, and she screams at the top of her lungs "DON'T TOUCH THE SEAT!!!! PEOPLE TINKLE ON THERE!!!" scarred. forever. c.) make balls. This was her terminology for pooping. "Do you have to make balls or just tinkle?" I thought this was a common phrase until lord knows when. Whenever it was, it was too late. d.) the squirties. "I think you should stay home from kindergarten if you have the squirties today. See also: diarrhea. I distinctly remember the teacher's aide asking me why I stayed home from school the previous day & I told her I had the squirties. She didn't understand what the fuck I was talking about, but she probably got a good laugh about it later.
- Something to suck on. See also: hard candy, throat lozenge, etc. "Do you need something to suck on?" um...I'm not even going to go there, but I hope she doesn't have it in her purse for the love of dog.
- It's neat, yeah. She likes the word neat. She will describe someone as neat (not like you would describe me as messy, but as you would describe someone as cool or interesting) but if she describes something as neat, it always has "yeah" attached to the end.
- I left you a mouthful of orange juice. What, am I supposed to gargle with it? I don't need a mouthful of orange juice. Unless you saved me enough for a glass, gargle with it your own damn self. The way she is with food you would think she was a pauper senior citizen on a fixed income. (okay, here I go ) Trust me, she is not, nor has she ever been close to wanting for anything, much less food. She puts like one razor thin slice of lunchmeat on a couple slices of crappy white bread and calls it a sandwich. If I go to her house she says "oh there is some turkey in there if you want to make a sandwich" and I look and it's not enough even for my dog. Give me a quarter pound and I have a worthy size sammich. She will put a spoonful of whatever, sloppy joe, barbecue pork on a crappy stroehmanns roll and that's her meal. Oh my god woman. no wonder you feel crappy all the time and are crazy, you are malnourished.
- You are a P-I-G. One time I was at dinner & I inadvertently let out a belch and she was horrified. R--, you are a P-I-G. I told my coworkers later and they thought it was hysterical. I heard that a lot that summer from them. They thought my mom was hysterical, period. Also, "That's D-U-M." I guess that is just supposed to be ironic. It's not like she spells things out because there are kids in the room or anything. I guess she is just honing her skills.
- ADDED: Saraday. The day before Sunday.
- ADDED: hamburg. Not burger, not hamburger, hamburg. I find this extremely irritating for some reason. "I have an extra hamburg in the freezer if you want one." No thanks, mom, I like my HAMBURGERS a little bigger than a silver dollar, thanks though.
- Added 1/27: Dollop. another pretty common one---"Do you want another dollop of mashed potatoes?" It's almost always mashed potatoes or whipped cream. something dollopy.
- Added 1/27: "Stinker!" or "Skunk!" While dinner was being prepared, we often heard these pseudo-expletives coming from the kitchen. "Hey, Daddy, there's another skunk in the kitchen, you better call the exterminator!"
- Added 1/27: Fast like a bunny. "You should put on nicer shoes for church, go upstairs and change them...go on! Fast like a bunny!!!"
- Added 2/5 (thanks, Lauri!): Make a pooker. (rhymes with hooker or looker) To fart. Also: make a stinker.
- Added 2/9: "The what?": other people say "What?" or "I'm sorry?" or "Pardon?" my mom says "The what?" Ex: me: I think you are really weird. mom: the what?
- Added 2/9: Dollars to donuts: um...the way other people would say "I bet.." or "no doubt..." ex: I bought that shirt full price. dollars to donuts it will go on sale next week.
- Added 10/26 because apparently this is being passed around for some reason...It's not too overly. She doesn't think another word is necessary after "overly". as in, It's not overly salty, it's not overly hot. Overly is the descriptive word, not the modifier (or whatever you call it), so, "too" goes in front.
- Added 6/25/08: Shit-droppers. Okay, this isn't one I just realized is weird, it was always weird because my sisters and I were already adults when it came into use in our house. The time was the early 1990s, more specifically during the college basketball playoffs and finals when Whatever NC team Christian (hubba) Laettner and Bobby Hurley were on, was playing--I don't know, Kentucky? Michigan? Both? Early 90s anyway. The Grunge Era. Tight clothing was out, baggy was in. Boys started wearing pants that were about 60 sizes too big for them, and this phenom was evident in a way in basketball too. Larry Bird's shorts of the 1970s and 80s were shorty shorts, like Nair for short-shorts. These college boys in the 90s wore (and still wear) longer, baggier shorts. Shit-droppers, my mom called them. "Why do they wear their pants so big, they look like shit droppers!" I guess basically what it means is...it looks like they've got a load in their drawers! hahaha!
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okay, i still don't understand #4. How do you sprag your feet on anything, let alone a carpet?
- knocking around in (alt. kicking around in)
- good/tasteless variations (oh it's good for you, you won't even taste it)
- hemming and hawing
- tinkle (I think it was a grandmother thing with me, if I remember)
- something to suck on (please stop me from commenting any further on this one)
- a mouthful left over
ones I now love, although I'm fully aware you are mortified:
- sprag (wtf?)
- O's and E's (yes, that is cute - although the first thing that comes to my insurance mind is E&O coverage - Errors and Omissions... lol)
- make balls (LMFAO)
I can't even read on. LOLing too hard. I'll come back to finish later. Jeeeesus, cranky.
Omg, Arbed...we really were separated at birht.
Sprag is just her way of saying drag. like scuffing + drag = sprag, but with a "p" coming out of nowhere. Actually I despise it in the summer or any other time, really, girls who don't pick up their feets when they walk, esp in flip flops and it was reeeeeally bad when all anyone was wearing was big chunky clunky sandals or shoes.
I've heard: knocking around in, hemming and hawing, tinkle, and it's neat.
One of my mom's favorites is Lo, and behold... Hahaha! Like "Lo, and behold, it was same waitress as last time!"
"Make Balls"....that's classic. Again, massive amounts of LOLing.
OH, and I sat around looking at Cute Overload today and almost died. DIED.
Baroo?
I recognize hemming/hawing and tinkle. And it's neat, too. Yeah.
Totally died on "make balls." omfg. Although, my ma used to have us say "B.M." I guess for "bowel movement". She's kind of a delicate soul, and I guess she didn't want us to say poop or somethin.
It's neat, yeah!!
"Wash my head": My grandmother (very PA Dutch) used to say this, and I think I've heard it from other people, all of them older. (My g-ma would be 112 if she were still alive...)
My dad says "Fair to middlin'" when asked how he's doing - I say it occasionally, but there's always the "Hey,you sound like an 80 year old man!" in my head.
This is hysterical!
My grandma used to wash her head and her teeth.
e2C---my grandmother would be 103. Let's see, what did SHE used to say..."my stories" (her soaps) "what channel is this here Jeopardy! on?" (this here)..."you little monkey!" and "Yipe!"
Jamie, I think my mom sometimes (or always?) says "clean my teeth"...
hahaha Michelle---fair to middlin, I like that. but yeah, it's pretty 80 year oldish! my dad used to say "fidollars" for $5 and "Lie-bry" for library.
crixpy---that might be it for poop. anything else I may have *ahem* wiped from my memory. so to speak. But she does enjoy telling me all about her bathroom problems. Usually when I am trying to eat lunch.
And it only got worse when you said "squirties." For some reason, I can't stop giggling about that one.
Classic!
That's what I'm saying! I'm hoping, praying that not having kids will at least delay turning into my mom for a few years! because you know my oldest sister is already on the way, whether she knows it or not....
If I don't have kids then most of my quirks (nice euphemism, btw) will die with me....
It's neat, yeah!
'Balls' is what come sout of horses' butts, not people's. It also makes me think of what dung beetles do (earworm: "rollin', rollin', rollin'...").
However, I say hem and haw, too... does that make me a crazy old lady?
I used to be mortified when my mom would use expressions and words from her Indian dialect... but now I've taught my husband some of them; he thinks they're hilarious. Our favourite is "cheddi", which means underpants: "pick your dirty cheddis up off the floor, yo." My mom also did that cute Indian thing where they rhyme or repeat words for emphasis: "arre, babba, would you like some more channa-wanna? I spiced them nicely-nicely, they're not hot-hot."
Husband's mom says "Bob's your uncle" and "cooking with gas".
haha brownA!!! That is cute what your mom does, I never heard about that. Of course my time around Indian people has been pretty limited.
My mom says polish words like dupka (which I think is really more like duppa) for butt, which then became dupey. I forgot that one. And bootdu (but short oo, boot rhymes with put) for kiss.
Hi Austin! My mom is from Pittston, sound familiar?
Haha SM---my sisters have kids...it's bound to live on at least a little. My middle sister still says dupey, which she has already passed on to her daughter.
Haha Dan---Creative, real nice euphemism right there!!! :)
I have a feeling Bobavey is gonna like this post...! I just hope he does his own about his mom. He very well may have me beat.
Another Indian English phrase I like: "They were very admiring."
Bad news: the other stuff means your mom is crazy. She has clearly made a lot of this shit up. The best is "snifter. It sniffs." Really? Does it, Mrs. Cranky? It sniffs?
Oh jesus, Ruth's mom is now famous.
well, I added a couple later yesterday, and keep checking back for more! maybe I will start calling my mom every day now to jog my memory!!! haha I am such an evil daughter.
LOL Cate! haha
[this is neat, yeah] Actually, this is utterly brilliant! Some of her phrases I recognize, but making balls and squirties are Absolutely. The. Best. Evar.
The only think I've got from my mom is a tendancy to use the word "weewah" which I'm pretty sure she (or one of my grandparents or greatgrandparents) made up. It's a lovely word that you can use when you see a picture hanging crooked on a wall. You can then say "Hey, that picture is weewah, I'm going to go straighten it."
Or, my dad, who is using oldster speak before his time. My favorite saying of his, in response to an inquiry about his health, is "If I were any better, I'd be suspicious."
haha! that's a good one Rpen!!!
weewah, that's interesting, definitely never heard that one.
I'm trying to think if my dad had any other good ones. But he was from the city so he was slightly more normal than the coal crackers up my mom's way.
making balls!! i'm going laugh every single time i go to the bathroom from now on..
LOL Arbed! I cannot beLIEVE your mom says hamburg too. omg...BUT WHY???WHY??? I kinda wanna strangle her when she says it, is that wrong?
haha mental squirties...that sounds perfect for the puppy. You know, calling her the puppy is way too much of a compliment.
lol no idea why she calls it hamburg - all I know is that for years when I was a kid, I thought hamburg and hamburger were somehow two different things (it seems to me that at one point I thought it was two different meats/cuts of meat, then later on I thought that maybe it was hamburg until it was made into a hamburger - oy vey!)
and puppy - I have to stick to that for two reasons: (1) because it's what she is always compared to by one of the guys I work with and we laugh about it a lot, and (2) because I'd be scared to see what I might end up calling her instead!
You want to talk weird, let's all compare the cute words for genitals that our families used. As a grown adult, I can still be caught using "hoo-hoo" to describe my crotch.
I again mention my earlier post of "old people are weird." :)
Years from now people are going to make fun of us for the junk we say (another reason not to have kids, I think).
LOL Michelle
Redz....we just didn't refer to our crotches in my family.
Oh wait. Oh shit. You brought back another childhood memory that may scar me further. Okay. I was, in my mom's preference, supposed to be a boy. I guess I should thank my middle sister for my mere existence. So anyway. I wasn't. Big Disappointment. But as I already said, I was often mistaken for a boy, due to my short hair & tomboyish clothes. My grandmother actually bought me a shirt with green motorcycles on it that said Vrooooom vroooom on it. and guess what, it was my favorite, but what the hell? Was my mom telling people I was a boy? was she trying to pass me off as a boy??? Curiously enough, I wasn't baptized till I was 6, was she in denial? Why didn't she name me Chris? Or Pat?
So anyway....my whole point is, when I was little I used to call my butt my dupey and my front bits my wiener. Jesus.
cranky, let's stick to "hamburg," OK? ;)
I am making balls in my pants and laughing also. There are just so many. You ought to have people send them to you and do a book of them. Your mom has some "Beauts"! (<my dad) We had hamburgs also (Upstate New York) and washed our heads and my mom would yell during a valium lull "I don't know whether to shit or go blind"! Please mom, not needed on either count. We knocked around also. What a great post Cranky. What a great post.
I do know that I don't say "knocking around in" around people in my peer group because I realized pretty early on that they didn't get it so it's most likely an old-fashioned phrase. I also know, if it matters, that my entire family, both sides, hail from Texas, Louisiana and the Carolinas so I highly doubt a long distant and forgotten relative up north bought it back home and we all squeed over it... seeing as there aren't any long distance relatives up north.
"Hemming and hawing" is one of the very few in the list that I recognize.
I am never reading your posts at the office again.
First, Crankypants, your mom has character. Yes, character. A lot of this is, indeed, regional. And generational. Some of it is just creative and original (let's go with that, rather than assuming she misheard something and adapted it to her faulty understanding, as you might well have done with "window seals" at some point in life). Think back to the old "telephone game." It's a wonder our language hasn't devolved into utter nonsense.
Second, Redzilla? How dare you say anyone's crazy for making things up? Are we not writers? Is that not our prerogative, to make things up? We cannot deny the pleasure to others.
Third, I'm just old enough to take exception to this. You young folks, just examine your own verbal eccentricities. Now, bear this in mind: When you are sixty, your kids will have invented their own slang. Yours will be considered "crazy," "quaint," "weird," and other things best not said here. By the time you have grandchildren, some of your generational dialect will be revived as "cute" and will again become trendy, making you simultaneously gag and ponder your own mortality with fondness.
Word!
:-P
Oh! My mom also says hamburg, and she's from Southern PA (~25 miles from the Maryland border). Do we have the whole state covered yet? :)
omg I am on the freaking explore page.
when it rains it fucking pours!
'make balls'. i think that, following the pee on the seat...was great.
i'm at work and just laughed so loud, everyone in the office gave me the funniest look.
laughing my ass off! thank you for the good cheer.
If I'd known, I would have showered!
:-P
what's next, Letterman? :-P :-P
;)
Happy TIG!!
If I might add a few to your list from my mom...
Make a bunch - as in grapes, as in balls - so we have the same mom?
Shinnypickle - my mother would NEVER swear! Normal people would say, "Shit!" or, more politely, "Shoot!" She says, "Shinnypickle!" Sometimes I swear a blue streak just to watch her stiffen up into the "Well, I never!" pose. It's entertaining.
Most of the rest of yours also were staples in my growing-up life. I have avoided them like the plague.
Perhaps we can come up with a MommyMartyr challenge? Mine may not win but she'd definitely be a runner-up!
Omg, lmao @ powderpuff!! That is pretty bad!!
and shinnypickle! bwhahaha and make a bunch...at least that doesn't sound as 'suggestive' as 'balls'!! ;-)
It's good to know I'm not the only one with a weird mom! :)
Yeah? Well, I knew her when.............
:-P
Some of the ones that were different in my house/life:
One of my grandmothers used the trots for squirts
Amongst my family and friends the refrigerator is often referred to as the ice box or the fridge
Something I picked up from my grandparents katywhampus for crooked or diagonal
The sink is often referred to as the zink
Instead of a mouthful my family often refers to it as a swig
something that I remember as a mild swear is fiddle faddle
I am also very familiar with many of the other phrases mentioned throughout this post and comments.
Don't get your knickers in a twist (or sometimes bunch) - often used when trying to tell someone to calm down and not get too worried or anxious
I've heard 'the trots' but it wasn't at home ;-) also my mom uses "swig" as well as another one I hadn't mentioned, "dollop" which is fairly common.
Oh, another one I forgot was, instead of cursing she would say (usually when she was in the kitchen making dinner) "Stinker!" or "Skunk!"
Arbed, you can say "...& she's still my stateside twin!" :-P
CP - Between all the action on this post and the Elvid, you are going to be featured on VH1 or Countdown or FARK before you know it! Yay! (This could bring us closer to the commune, FYI).
Megan---looks like you have your next subject to write about ! ;-)
Michelle--I value my privacy but am willing to sacrifice it & whore my dog & my mom out for The Commune dream...oh yeah!
sounding like grampa simpson isn't a bad thing! haha, esp in a 30-something woman! hee!
I have a few more things to add to the mom list ...
Just because I want to.
:)
;)
My mum has a made-up word, gnurglig, to describe something with a pleasing shape, such as a smooth round pebble.
LOL now THAT is an odd one for sure!
Everyone in my family says hamburg. I wrote it into a story based in Northern Maine once, when I was in college...everyone in my creative writing class (NYU) passed their copies back to me with ^er written in. Ha.
Fast/quick like a bunny.
She's from Colorado, and she moved to Alabama, and now has this weird hybrid accent.
i totally get this because my gramma is from "the hills" in rural pennsylvania and she says stuff like "worsh" and "melk" and somehow i always know what shes talking about.
One of our teachers calls children "little people."
Nurses ask patients if they have voided recently, had a BM today, or been able to pass gas. Until they brainwash me, I keep it simple: pee, poo, fart.
Also, see Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin for "like Topsy."
This is a great post. I have also noticed that my mother doesn't say some words correctly or uses certain phrases--
1) "I am going to use to TOLET"
2) "SEES HOW you don't have to go to the store today...."
3) "I really like SALZA with chips"
That's al I can think of now. This is a great idea. I too should write down everything odd that I hear my mother say and put it in a post like this. One day, I will miss hearing her screw words up or spell taco TOCO on the shopping list.
Every morning... EVERY morning... my mother would bounce in the room, rip open the shades and sing out at full volume
"GOOD MORNING MERRY SUNSHINE!"
Aside from the fact that I hated mornings even as a kid and my pupils never recovered from the brutality of the assault ritual, I spent years trying to figure out who Mary Sunshine was and why my mother insisted on saying good morning to her instead of me.
My youngest brother, of all people, is big on the "quick! like a bunny!" saying. I don't know where he got it.
See, now I am all worrit and flummoxed: has my mangling of the English Language caused trauma to my children, beyond their bearing?
We tend to make up words in this family - Daughter once asked if the crisp, crunchy skin on Roast Pork really was called Crackling. We also name objects, so we can say Its on the pretty thing. I thought everyone did that, had their own private language.
And I started this tendency early - when I was about 3 I called pooing going ploppsy cos pooh does, indeed, plop when it hits the water.
And Dollop is the only word that describes what you do with mashed potato (and things of like ilk) when you put them onto a plate. A Dollop. Its in the dictionary, meaning a semi-solid lump, originating in the 16th century.
haha...I forget who used to say Bat-tries..maybe my grandmother, but not my mom.
wait...Your mom says SPRAG??!! I swore my mom made that up. holy crap.
She also says "weer-ed" instead of weird - a lot of things are weer-ed to her.
Our family all said Melk for AGES. I finally got most of us saying milk, and that just sounds so much better, but my mom still says melk. What about koopon, or kewpon? Torrs, instead of To-urs. Comfterbul, instead of comfortable.
I am almost too embarrassed to say what we called pooping when we were kids. But, no one here was shy, so....it was "messies".
Yeeeech!
Good old Poop is so much better! And the shits! So much more to the point!
Oh, the word "fart" was not allowed. Toot, however, was.
Oh shit---that was another one...HOW COULD I forget?
"Make a pooker" (rhymes with looker) instead of fart.
you're not alone.
No, my mom is of Polish & Lithuanian origins...but where we live, we are pretty close to the Amish aka "Pennsylvania Dutch" but that shouldn't have had much effect on her speaking.
Oh BookMole---another British one I learned from Danger Mouse was...what was it...windy pops or windy puffs? Hhaha!!!
I grew up with (and still say) "I'll bet you dollars to donuts..." Maybe she just shortened it.
Can't remember where I commented that people prob don't know I REALIZE I'm saying "half of one, six dozen of the other".
Also, you know they say "Why, that boy is a P-I-G" in Animal House, right? (I prob said that before but my search feature isn't working and I'm not looking through 150+ comments at 1am)
These are a trip. Here's some from the H household.
Sum'tin' fierce - a modifying phrase, bastardized from 'something fierce'
Blinger - a DadH word for description.
Flustrated - DadH's way of expression frustration and being flustered.
You betcha - classic Upper Great Lakes regional term of agreement or emphasis.
So if my dad had a conversation with himself about rain and farming, it would sound like this:
"Boy, that storm sure came down sum'tin fierce."
"Yep, it sure was a blinger."
"A man gets flustrated when the hay is sitting there for days in the rain"
"It's a toughie. You betcha."
My mom just can't pronounce words right and my SIL uses big words in amazingly incorrect ways.
My ex-MIL calls lesbians "drakes". My daughter and I still say it.
Pronunciation that bugs the crap out of me: Jool-er-ee for jewelry. I even hear it on TV.
Okay, the ones I've heard -- "dollars to donuts", "tinkle", "hemming and hawing", "fast like a bunny" (only the way I've heard it is "quick like a bunny")... my Dad always "washes his head", which I'd never heard anyone else say... I kinda think my Dad may occasionally say "the what?", too. "Dollop" definitely. "Neat" is pervasive, but not "Neat, yeah"...
In response to AmyH, "you betcha" is rife around here, too...
To LeendaDLL, I have a friend who always says "seven of one and half a dozen of the other" (on purpose). I tend to say "As E says, seven of one..."
This is fun. Am I the million-teenth person to look at this now?
LOL @ drakes! wtf!
and I HATE joolerry too! I had a friend who said that all the time. She also called margaritas "margueritas".
In my home town, plenty of people pronounce the l's in tortilla. Same people who eat "tack-os." (Known as tacos elsewhere.) Of course, many of them eat their tack-os with catch-up.
haha! reminds me of the aunt in Napoleon Dynamite and her kay sa dillas.
Tack-os and catch-up. a true Maxican feasta.
What I meant by crackling (and ain't that the point of this post, that our words do not always say what we mean) is the crisp, crunchy skin obtained when pork is roasted. The skin is scored, then salt rubbed it. Roast. Eat. Yummymess.